berniat..semoga tidak hanya menjadi wacana

Menangis tidak akan pernah menyelesaikan
yang bisa hanyalah perubahan
dan bisa atau tidak perubahan itu terjadi
tergantung niat...
pada hati..pikiran..dan jiwa....
semoga tidak sakit....
keluarlah dari kebiasaan
demi perubahan yang diharuskan....

HINA

Tuli..bisu...buta..
tidak mengerti bagaimana menerima sinyal
bodoh memaknakan suara
dan idiot dalam melihat kenyataan
yang ada hanyalah pemandangan fana dan kenegatifan yang melihat kekurangan
dengan standar kesempurnaan yang sudah melewati batas kenormalan
tanpa bisa menyeimbangan keadaan yang sudah tersedia
sungguh tolol tidak bersyukur
pendosa yang sepertinya sakit dan gila
hati mati terkunci pada kutukan masa lalu yang terlupakan
ntah darimana timbul
tersandung pada batu yang sama
luka tak sembuh hingga bernanah
hingga tak memahami mengapa dan dimana
menghilang dan menghindari pun tak menyelesaikan
karena telah menjadi durhaka
merasa telah terlambat
berpikir tak kan mungkin bisa
memutuskan sendiri tanpa pernah memulai berbicara
namun ketika berbicara emosi telah menjadi keras
terlalu keras hingga memantulkan semua rangsangan ragawi yang normalnya dapat menyentuh indra
perasaan sepertinya semakin tewas karena telah dibekukan pada waktu yang salah
sulit memecahkan keheningan
yang ada hanyalah kekanakan yang sombong
sok menjadi dewasa
padahal kopong dan kosong
berduel pada ketidakpastian dan terperosok pada ketidakjelasan
pada akhirnya kembali pada ketololan
ingin berubah ternyata terhenti pada fase perih yang di lubuk belum terobati
gumamam makian karena tak bisa melembut
teriakan putus asa karena ketakutan
tangisan tanpa alasan ternyata memang salah
berselimut keangkuhan menjadi semakin jatuh
belum dapat sembuh...
masih gila ternyata..

mencari cara untuk melunakkan hati
pada jiwa-jiwa yang rapuh..yang
mudah mengais pada kesenenangan semata
dan pencari kesempurnaan yang semu

B.E.G.O

김재중_KIM JAEJOONG_MINE_MV

Jaejoong Parade(1) coz i'm a crazy fans mode on now

 yep, this is my edit, from many pic of him...
cant stop staring at him this this photos, so decided to collect them in one pic LOL
source of pics: NII, his selca, JYJ3.net & all JYJfamilies in twitter

from this pic, which one the most favorite one?
for me, hmm..difficult, coz i already selected from many pics in my folder..hmm..God, i cant choose the most coz i love all of them... <333

already shared this pic via my tumblr & twitter
just wanna shared it officially on my blog kekekeke





 and this is my lovely smile & laugh moment..
when many of my friends said Jaejoong's charming when he's smiling of keep cool face.....
>>> i love him the most when he's laughing show his tooth, his eyes got smaller and his little wrinkle show up...especially his laughing's voice, really refreshing and healing my energy..

what's JJ face's part the most you love?
ah, its like a quiz -_- sorry, just self talking...
hmm..i cant choose it, coz i love his face..eyes, lips, nose, eyebrow, chin, cheek...prefect! God already made him so handsome, beautiful...somehow when i saw him directly in front of my eyes, i cant believe:
"is he a human?"
too awesome...subhanallah~

 this GIF was from my friend @miar815
i love it <333
i cant make any of GIF, so i really appreciate to everyone who making any GIF, video, photoshop or else ^__^;;
yes, i'm Jaejoong bias, but not Jaeharem..
i just a JYJfans...
love:
*Jaejoong of JYJ
*Yoochun of JYJ
*Junsu of JYJ

 this pic never fail to make me smile..
every time i have a badmood..his sleeping face really help me..
God, i am weird woman right? LOL
He's my 1st man that really not my type from physic..
i was falling in love with him coz his voice...then his personality success make me calm and inspired me...his physic just synchronizing to be a good creature of him...

esp his pic with his niece..really really a peaceful sleep mode~
i love it!! i imagine he will be a good father and has a close relationship with his son/daughter later...
i really hope he'll get married soon..i really wanna see his children..hope he'll met the right woman from God, asap :)
and hope his wife always patient..or i suggest to our Jaejoong to never show his wife, coz his fans really 'wild'..just asked Hyde Larc en Ciel Jaejoong aah~~how to hide his wife well kekeke

 ok, this pic..special to show my hobby..my 'strange' hobby..
why?
coz i have a weird hobby...got attention easily with..hand, arm, & fingers..
i just try to 'research' many 'phenomenon' bout hand, arm & fingers of humans LOL
and yeah, for me his hand, arm & finger are the best personality in there...my type,,,, XDDD
his hand-arm-fingers showed that:: he's a hard worker (no wonder he's workaholic), gentle, selfless, always thinking too much bout everything, caring, really understood well how to act-polite & respect others...

really love his~~

MY FAVORITE MOMENT!
JAEJOONG IS LAUGHING!!
Thanks for take a photo newsen!
XDDD

just like i said before~~
i love his laugh...
his dimple~
his hand~ fingers~
his little wrinkles~
hehehehehe

 i never stop to say thankyou to NII!!
coz always success to make JYJ cool & handsome as usual..even more!

NII always with JYJ since the beginning...
i cant stop thankful that NII always support JYJ & JYJfans :')

 Yup! this is from Kim Jaejoong Fan Meeting in my country- Indonesia
the famous FM!
"a silence Fan Meeting ever, success!"
only in Indonesis!
this is the 1st time i met him..in front of my eyes..
did a high five...
but really sad, he was sick...
so sad, hurt & pain when i see his face...
he really worked hard...his fever was 40 C :( but he endured
*sigh*
he always did that..always be like the..
in the end the regret thins, that i cant hear his voice alive...

please come back here..soon...sing...as JYJ
love you~~

 this is my Wallpaper in my desktop..almost a month!
from Movie Magazine
to promoted his movie: Jackal is Coming

not released yet in my country T_T
why X(( too long..
but for you, i'll try to be a patient fan... *sob sob*

i already watched your drama honey..Protect the boss & Dr.Jin~
i know your acting is DAEBAK!!!
you really learn many things...you have your own charm in as a actor..i love it!!!
but still, my best point to you is as singer, composer & director!! kekekeke

 no doubt! you're a good model!
have a good body
great body language
handsome face
nice expressions esp in your eyes & lips..
that part never lie & always success show your emotion..
and i proud of you that you always handle your emotion well for any moments...
somehow i really wanna see you to let go all stiff & cool side...
i know you're a warm, friendly & fun person <333

but i dont dislike that image either...
cos i love you..the way you're...

 Thanks to Cjes, Goverment, Media, ELLE, Intermodulation, NII, COO, CF and all brand who supporting Jaejoong & JYJ

cant stop to say thankyou to help us=JYJfans..so we can see & meet him.. :')

 Me & 40 ppl in a group..with him

hope someday i'll meet him again..in his Coffe Cojjee, in Korea, in their concert, in their Fan meeting...

i'll try my best to keep saving for my life & for my happiness to meet him...

God, sorry for an absurd dream, but i really wanna make it come true~~~

 once again~~
i'm so proud to be JYJ fans
yes, i'm Jaejoong bias..but sorry, i'm not Jaeharem lol

love JYJ
Jaejoong
Yuchun
Junsu

2gehter is the best
always support them 2gether & individual~

but my mind cant let JJ go out easily...focus on Jaejoong..K i m    J a e j o o n g

 this is NII moment..
yeah, again..i love NII

look how good JYJ moment in there...
NII always help me/us to see many JYJ moment

>//////<

love the Jaejoong eyes here...
sorry Junsu yaaa..my eyes locked on Jaejoong LOL

relax...JaeSu always be in my heart
Jaechun & Yoosu too...
their brotherhood really amaze me...always~~

ssttttt~~~
this is just my 1st part for Jaejoong parade..
i'll make another Jaejoong parades or JYJ members parades..
for my satisfaction as a fan..LOL
dont care if there is no one see this :))

hope God forgive me...
coz i changed to be a crazy girl.... >m<

Kim Jajeoong..proud of you.. :')

-My Elephant Ticket-

Our Kim Jaejoong we're so Proud of you..
You're my best bias ever!!

why you're so selfless person...

when you're sick, pain or sad..

i-we also sick, pain and sad with you...

dont push too much..

We know you always do the best you can for us

but we dont wanna make you suffered couse of us...

please take care...

always healthy...

Hmmm... First...i come to Meis...entering the Mall ABC..
The "Red" welcoming me, they have a group, a big group-as usual, noise-bring a BIG banner 'W' (thanks God! it's not allowed)
let me see... many of them wearing 'red jacket', t-shirt & one bag 'Missha' with homin face in there..dunno bout it-allowed or not, coz impossible to be naked there..but my friend said they have to changed their irrelevant clothes :D
And dunno why, i know from first impression which one the Cassie, OT5, YJs or JYJer -_- generally, their behavior really different...need i explain bout it? no need, let it be..it's just my opinion kekeke

yeah, many of you called me "JYJ stan" but whatever, this is me, i already choose only JYJ..not a kpoplover or else..only JYJ music, all bout JYJ esp Jaejoong XD

Ok, next..i went to see all stand in that path..there was a few stands; gift corner, candies shop sponsor, ticketing and official goods from C-Jes. And that 'red ones' really crowded, make ma dizzy..i dislike noisiness so i decided to go to a cafe, meet up with some twitter friends..
Its so Amazing! i went alone, but cause of them i thought i was with my family..

 next, i'm going to @KJJ_INA & @RockJJ stand-outside Mall ABC- i got free green LS, fan, green handband & buy a KJJ t-shirt kekeke (impulsive buyer)
the banner from KJJ & RockJJ means:
재중아~지켜줄거야
Jaejoong ah we'll protect you~
fan
and LS ^__^v
thanks KJJ_INA & RockJJ



then i'm waiting till the gate, still worried bout JJ condition..many rumor from twitter make me dizzy (nosebleed & emergency room), plus the press con still unclear...my friend hv a chance to attended the press con as media press said, there will be a press con but delayed.. in the end press con started on 5PM witout JJ :(
Really make me worried, why? is he ok?
how's his fever? his voices? really cant come up?
and one prediction: "he wanna change all rundown coz of his voice...he wanna do photo & hi5"
T__T cant think anymore..
i'll do something to not think anything bout it..
i helped Maze to shared all their free banner and a small JJ poster, h e's really handsome in there XD
when i shared all of that, i met so many fans, somehow..once again, i knew whic one the OT5, YJs or JYJers...realized, JYJers was a minority..
ah~ i tried to give my gift at Gift corner, but i was late! it closed on 6.40 PM :(
disappointed! T.T

then, i'm starting to enter the gate..
make a long line..go upper floor..go to the real MEIS..waiting..one by one..and BANG, suddenly i see a few of securities hold on red balloons, take them from some of fans..the balloon write an "irrelevant things"...
wow, so happy that SH_Ent really try hard to forbid all irrelevant things..
all securities try their best, check all bag firmly...




Entering the gate, go to my Elephant seat..in Venue, they try hard to control all camera & video..but still, fans always cleverer & more experiences bout this stuff right? :p the opening from 2 MCs..hmm..unfortunately, seems they forgot to translate it in English, they only spoke in Bahasa & Korea...* hope all I-Fans understand*
1st they explained bout JJ's letter..
He wrote it directly ..by his hand..

Hello..
Fans in Indonesia..

I have the first fanmeeting in Indonesia but I’m telling by a letter, not my voice.. 
First of all, I don’t know how to tell because I feel so sorry..

Before I came here, I had lost my voice all of sudden.. I was so afraid and scared.. 
So I was concerned.. how I can explain this.. So sorry

I should tell a lot and.. laugh and cry with you.. And I should sing good songs for you.. 
So… I decided to make memories with you at more closer distance due to this kind of sorriness.. 

I think that many talk and songs won’t be enough but please understand it.. 

I couldn’t come here often.. and here is the place far from Korea.. 
But many fans love me & JYJ.. and give the support us even if you’re in a far place.. 
Thank you so much about all these things… 

I’m really happy man who is sitting right here.. right?^^

It’s been a long time to write this kind of letter.. 

Despite the bad situation to lost my voice.. perhaps we feel happy with feeling thankful & sorry..
Because we’re caring for each other, love each other.. 

I’ll try to do my best to show more and better look for precious ‘us’ and me.. (‘us’ means fans)
You can smile much more than now.. 

It should be hard… but let’s make the best time in our own way.

                                                                             -JJ-

Translated by: @ohmyjunsu + @theyoungestmin (Other Trans)
Shared by: JYJ3

AAAnd, JJ is appearing in front of my eyes!
God, God, GOD!! Frozen...
He is my bias..
He is the one that i saw every day in my laptop and twitter...
So good looking!
then~~realized...
he's so pale, no energy..
he's really not healthy!
so scared when i saw him standing on stage, try hard to smile gentle like always he did..
sorry JJ, i saw ur pain in ur eyes, and it hurt me..badly..
Again, the real fact boom me..
his selfless really make me-us worried...

bout what the conversation during FM, u can see it on @KJJ_INA
i cant tell you one buy one..too tired to typing all of that lol
but i'll tell you some moments that i observed during the conversation...with a little help from my friend..in puppy seat, she informed me many things happened...

#FACT
1. some of them ignore Green LS, deliberately- i think they was hardcore OT5, but dunno~~
2. when MC asked if he want to sacrifice himself for the girl he loves. He said depends on the girl (via @KJJ_INA), i felt the aura changed a little bit..or this is just my suspicious on YJs? dunno~

• MC: Jaejoong believe in love at first sight or not? JJ: he doesnt believe in it. He needs time.
• MC: ever experience love at shooting location?? JJ: not at all ('they' shouted Yunho here)
• MC asked maybe not with the actress. JJ laughed. ('they' was too excited here -__-)

• MC asked if he ever experience triangle love. Jaejoong laughed! (they screaming, forget 'Noooo' or "AAAaaaa" and some of them whispered "yunho, yunho--coz many of us annoyed with their behav)
• Oh he had one. He was involved with a love triangle once. He plainly said Yes. He wrote on his ipad ^_________^ ( via @rubypurple_fan)

i just knew, some of question was from fans....
hmmm..i wonder bout some questions was from 'them', esp bout love question..once again, my mind really annoying bout it, somehow i blamed 'them' easily..sorry....

next, JJ was supposed to sing a song Living in a dream. But he can’t sing. So we are singing it for him.  (via @KJJ_INA)

• Sad face that he cant even face the audience ( via @rubypurple_fan)
• Bowed so deeply after fans sang the song. ( via @rubypurple_fan)

he applause and bow to us...deeply..
honestly, i cant help..little cry  here..his face really thankful, apologize and sad...
then he standing alone on stage, watching Fans video..his face on a big screen really..deep silence..
then he changed his clothes! we're get ready for photo session and hi5...

i'm soo nervous here..afraid his body not strong enough..he has to walk-moving around from photo session seat and hi5 table --__-- hello~~ he's a sick person, high fever, cant speak at all, tired, need rest and he has to do that?! hmmm...but what we can do, its his favor..his responsibility and apologize to us.. *sigh* our silly selfless Kim Jaejoong..... :(

3. the funny things was..not JJ collapse but 2 girls..
when doctor team came out in a rush, i'm panic, something happened??
and i relieved, 2 fans was 'too happy' and collapse...*sorry for those fans-hope u're ok*
and the hi5 changed to be shake hand..and u know, his grip really hard..

i love his hand..love love love it!

my turn comes..i look his face..he smiled..really bright..

Me: frozen..can believes this is a human..

tall, really 180 cm hehehe

his nose, eyes & jaw, God! really have a good sharp *melting*

his smile....always success make me smile

..so white..all my sis was right! his milky skin really unbelievable LOL

my friend said, he met some Korean Idols, but his skin the most white ever...

4. when this photo session i saw a red LS forming "W" letter with 5-6 LS from puppy or dolpin seat..
unfortunately, i was late to take my camera, cant take a photo bout it ><
we know JYJ hv a song: W
but, do u realized? They never sing that song again...

5. minutes by minutes...changed an hour even more...
JJ looks more tired and pale now...i saw from big screen...
in the middle of hi5, one staff asked him: "are you ok?"
he replied : "괜찮아" --i'm ok
T.T ur face not ok JJ~ah

6.i saw in photo session, some of fans still not care how JJ's condition..
why i can said like that?
coz some of them, push their body to JJ..once *from big screen* i saw JJ has to see a girl right on him..push his shoulder and he tried to endure the pain..dont they realized?? JJ has a fever, cold, dizzy, his body tired and you pushed him?! when they was asked bout it, their reaction would be: "this is our chance to get closer with him" --___-- 헐...

i cant stop staring at him via big screen..and directly on the stage

when photo session & hi5 ended, God, i was thankful!!

he can rest now!

he was sooo tired.. T.T

but he smiled at us, bow twice..

waving and then go back to backstage...*sigh*

hope he rest asap!

and i used this chance to give my gift to the crew kekeeke

they helped me to transfer my gift to JJ (or his manager kekeke)

FM Effect is...i cant stop to love him..more and more
please be healthy our dearest...
We always be here..for you..
Kim Jaejoong in JYJ

this is my best experienced... even i hv to do many things for meeting him up..God, i was thankful..thanks for the chance...but i hv a 'delayed' dream...to hear his voice...sing a song..sing many songs..
hope i hv a chance again..to meet him as a singer..solo or JYJ...

Thanks to @jjchloejj @aridakeCHUNNIE (its our fate to meet up and have same seat line)..and also i knew many of our JYJ family in there, but i cant meet up with them ^^; @rubypurple_fan @jenknight18 @ning255 @lindalukita @ni_kania @syafiqa_router @alovelikeawar and many more.. i believed they hv same feeling bout this FM..memorable! Indonesia hv a success Silence JJ Fan Meeting!!! i love him!
.although we hv to worried his body so much..it'll be remarkable for JJ & us...
Jaejoong~ah thank you for your hard work
please rest adn get well soon...so many things u hv to do in the future..
we are waiting your <Jackal is Coming> fighting!!!
never regret to be JYJfans..to be JJ bias :) *bias mode on*

source: @JiJinuna - i got this candies too XD

Me After the FM

PS: sorry..my English in not good..so IF i did some typo or poor grammar..
i'm sorry..
this is my feeling...
my reaction bout many stimulus around me...
^__^v

Luck (?)

dunno i ever mention bout luck or not
but, once again...in my head..i wanna say..
i believe in luck
it means, i believe God's power
coz we never sure what will happened in future until its come, right?
hmm..honestly, i dislike depend on some kind of luck
i believe, what i did...that's what i get...
but, by the times...i realize...
time..world...life...has a deep mystery

first i dont like to something that i cant predict
but, again..i learned...
so many things can happened that i cant control at all
only hope..pray..and trust God will give us the best...
so i can live more enjoyable

so thankful that i'm still alive...
all my family still completed..
so many chances that God gave to me
in my next future..
work...marriage...college.. :)

i'll do what i can do till the end

True

real world (?)
what's that?
i have a big burden on my shoulder
greeting...marriage..work...friendship
sometimes i dont understand why we have to accomplished it?
but in other hand, i really understand, that's life
full of philosophy, i think
just do it step by step
it's just like happy birthday every year..
increasing age, changing everywhere
try to do something new..
try to leave someone or environment..
try to get new life...

i know, its not that simple..never be simple..
always complicated actually..
but, whenever we go-adapt!!
make it simple..do it seriously...full power..
let go all nerve
anxious, afraid, dislike, envy, panic...


calm..calm..calm...