Sensing of sensitiveness...?

what i am do always have a consideration..
not just a wild desire or stupid thing...
i try to be adult, always thinking consequence and balance
what is the true and false, what is good or bad for other people or society
not for myself..nothing egoist in me if i talking about 'it'
but back then...
i call this my 'childish' ..coz always make my child tantrum turn on
i know this is a bad habit, very bad and wrong...in my opinion as my 'character'
but, cant help..often doing the same mistake..coz i can not forgive myself
my story about this is secret, a big secret of my darkness side..
for 5-6 years, i practice my sense for other
coz 8 years ago, i realized my life is bout me, and only me..
i shocked..in a big shoot i frozen and cant stop blame myself..
how could be i dunno everything around me
am i really that blind and deaf?
i managed and change myself slowly in difficult time
and i found my self concept alone...
but..then..i called all my old memories and comparing with the other
my bad, my fault..so many thing i said to myself, i have a big dialogue and...mad alone
yeah, that's wrong..
but thanks God, i'm not going to the wrong path..
and now, my bad me is...i often thinking too much before act...
i try understand, sympathy and empathy
i did well these times...

and suddenly, hear about cant sense something?
nope..sorry, wrong..i really understand about that...
really know what i have to do..
but yes, my fault i cant do it well...
because i cant control myself..yes, back to myself again..this is my fault...
i can be a honest person about myself...
i always said, this is my black side...
i just do something egoistic
because i need it...and my fault i cant say it well

perhaps i'm cold bu not that stupid...
i try to build myself
i work hard for my life
always take a deep breath about myself
coz i always repress alone if talking about 'it'
and i know this is my sin..
i cant solve this problem at all..
just cant...i dunno how..

#hearing...pain-silent.

command...force-do it as duty

blank about many thing

please dont touch me, i cant receive any attachment...

coz my tears comes easily

just work hard to living in my life...

finding a happiness...as my definition of happiness

Sorry...sorry...sorry...
thank you...thank you..thank you....