why i have a choice like that
a little child know how to make herself comfort and support her so much
choose a really comfort zone, full of attached and close feeling
that's a stupid choice and have a big effect NOW
never think, never feel i have to be here
this path and difficult phase
i sorry to say it to myself...
but, regret it when i have to realize just right now
how blind i am, i cant see myself well
when other people just see and cant touch me
they watched me till now, have their perception
and how shocked is...
their thought very far away from my expectation bout myself
i cant forgive myself bout that..
i cant..not yet..
why i am that bad? why i am so different person..
i'm in body, behavior and personality in people's frame like that
i know i have a late development in my life...
but, the worst is i cant identified myself anymore...
just like lost of my self concept
i wanna say:
God cant i wash my brain and please teach me once more to be a better person like i want..
not like this, i hate myself more and more
coz many thins happened in my mind, heart and soul..and i cant change easily
i hate i cant do what i wanna do
i dislike this spoiler brat in my personality
i hate this weakness
am i really live in my delusional world till now?
where is my reality one?
i'm disgusting myself right now...
God, How to forgive and change myself? stronger and more mature?
# Memaafkan diri sendiri untuk segala masa lalu yang telah membentuk diri yang sekarang...
bagaimana mencintai diri sendiri yang seperti ini? mengapa ketidakpuasan justru kepada apa yang ada di dalam diri? menjelekan diri sendiri sebegitu dalamnya?
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