Jaejoong Parade(1) coz i'm a crazy fans mode on now

 yep, this is my edit, from many pic of him...
cant stop staring at him this this photos, so decided to collect them in one pic LOL
source of pics: NII, his selca, JYJ3.net & all JYJfamilies in twitter

from this pic, which one the most favorite one?
for me, hmm..difficult, coz i already selected from many pics in my folder..hmm..God, i cant choose the most coz i love all of them... <333

already shared this pic via my tumblr & twitter
just wanna shared it officially on my blog kekekeke





 and this is my lovely smile & laugh moment..
when many of my friends said Jaejoong's charming when he's smiling of keep cool face.....
>>> i love him the most when he's laughing show his tooth, his eyes got smaller and his little wrinkle show up...especially his laughing's voice, really refreshing and healing my energy..

what's JJ face's part the most you love?
ah, its like a quiz -_- sorry, just self talking...
hmm..i cant choose it, coz i love his face..eyes, lips, nose, eyebrow, chin, cheek...prefect! God already made him so handsome, beautiful...somehow when i saw him directly in front of my eyes, i cant believe:
"is he a human?"
too awesome...subhanallah~

 this GIF was from my friend @miar815
i love it <333
i cant make any of GIF, so i really appreciate to everyone who making any GIF, video, photoshop or else ^__^;;
yes, i'm Jaejoong bias, but not Jaeharem..
i just a JYJfans...
love:
*Jaejoong of JYJ
*Yoochun of JYJ
*Junsu of JYJ

 this pic never fail to make me smile..
every time i have a badmood..his sleeping face really help me..
God, i am weird woman right? LOL
He's my 1st man that really not my type from physic..
i was falling in love with him coz his voice...then his personality success make me calm and inspired me...his physic just synchronizing to be a good creature of him...

esp his pic with his niece..really really a peaceful sleep mode~
i love it!! i imagine he will be a good father and has a close relationship with his son/daughter later...
i really hope he'll get married soon..i really wanna see his children..hope he'll met the right woman from God, asap :)
and hope his wife always patient..or i suggest to our Jaejoong to never show his wife, coz his fans really 'wild'..just asked Hyde Larc en Ciel Jaejoong aah~~how to hide his wife well kekeke

 ok, this pic..special to show my hobby..my 'strange' hobby..
why?
coz i have a weird hobby...got attention easily with..hand, arm, & fingers..
i just try to 'research' many 'phenomenon' bout hand, arm & fingers of humans LOL
and yeah, for me his hand, arm & finger are the best personality in there...my type,,,, XDDD
his hand-arm-fingers showed that:: he's a hard worker (no wonder he's workaholic), gentle, selfless, always thinking too much bout everything, caring, really understood well how to act-polite & respect others...

really love his~~

MY FAVORITE MOMENT!
JAEJOONG IS LAUGHING!!
Thanks for take a photo newsen!
XDDD

just like i said before~~
i love his laugh...
his dimple~
his hand~ fingers~
his little wrinkles~
hehehehehe

 i never stop to say thankyou to NII!!
coz always success to make JYJ cool & handsome as usual..even more!

NII always with JYJ since the beginning...
i cant stop thankful that NII always support JYJ & JYJfans :')

 Yup! this is from Kim Jaejoong Fan Meeting in my country- Indonesia
the famous FM!
"a silence Fan Meeting ever, success!"
only in Indonesis!
this is the 1st time i met him..in front of my eyes..
did a high five...
but really sad, he was sick...
so sad, hurt & pain when i see his face...
he really worked hard...his fever was 40 C :( but he endured
*sigh*
he always did that..always be like the..
in the end the regret thins, that i cant hear his voice alive...

please come back here..soon...sing...as JYJ
love you~~

 this is my Wallpaper in my desktop..almost a month!
from Movie Magazine
to promoted his movie: Jackal is Coming

not released yet in my country T_T
why X(( too long..
but for you, i'll try to be a patient fan... *sob sob*

i already watched your drama honey..Protect the boss & Dr.Jin~
i know your acting is DAEBAK!!!
you really learn many things...you have your own charm in as a actor..i love it!!!
but still, my best point to you is as singer, composer & director!! kekekeke

 no doubt! you're a good model!
have a good body
great body language
handsome face
nice expressions esp in your eyes & lips..
that part never lie & always success show your emotion..
and i proud of you that you always handle your emotion well for any moments...
somehow i really wanna see you to let go all stiff & cool side...
i know you're a warm, friendly & fun person <333

but i dont dislike that image either...
cos i love you..the way you're...

 Thanks to Cjes, Goverment, Media, ELLE, Intermodulation, NII, COO, CF and all brand who supporting Jaejoong & JYJ

cant stop to say thankyou to help us=JYJfans..so we can see & meet him.. :')

 Me & 40 ppl in a group..with him

hope someday i'll meet him again..in his Coffe Cojjee, in Korea, in their concert, in their Fan meeting...

i'll try my best to keep saving for my life & for my happiness to meet him...

God, sorry for an absurd dream, but i really wanna make it come true~~~

 once again~~
i'm so proud to be JYJ fans
yes, i'm Jaejoong bias..but sorry, i'm not Jaeharem lol

love JYJ
Jaejoong
Yuchun
Junsu

2gehter is the best
always support them 2gether & individual~

but my mind cant let JJ go out easily...focus on Jaejoong..K i m    J a e j o o n g

 this is NII moment..
yeah, again..i love NII

look how good JYJ moment in there...
NII always help me/us to see many JYJ moment

>//////<

love the Jaejoong eyes here...
sorry Junsu yaaa..my eyes locked on Jaejoong LOL

relax...JaeSu always be in my heart
Jaechun & Yoosu too...
their brotherhood really amaze me...always~~

ssttttt~~~
this is just my 1st part for Jaejoong parade..
i'll make another Jaejoong parades or JYJ members parades..
for my satisfaction as a fan..LOL
dont care if there is no one see this :))

hope God forgive me...
coz i changed to be a crazy girl.... >m<

Kim Jajeoong..proud of you.. :')

-My Elephant Ticket-

Our Kim Jaejoong we're so Proud of you..
You're my best bias ever!!

why you're so selfless person...

when you're sick, pain or sad..

i-we also sick, pain and sad with you...

dont push too much..

We know you always do the best you can for us

but we dont wanna make you suffered couse of us...

please take care...

always healthy...

Hmmm... First...i come to Meis...entering the Mall ABC..
The "Red" welcoming me, they have a group, a big group-as usual, noise-bring a BIG banner 'W' (thanks God! it's not allowed)
let me see... many of them wearing 'red jacket', t-shirt & one bag 'Missha' with homin face in there..dunno bout it-allowed or not, coz impossible to be naked there..but my friend said they have to changed their irrelevant clothes :D
And dunno why, i know from first impression which one the Cassie, OT5, YJs or JYJer -_- generally, their behavior really different...need i explain bout it? no need, let it be..it's just my opinion kekeke

yeah, many of you called me "JYJ stan" but whatever, this is me, i already choose only JYJ..not a kpoplover or else..only JYJ music, all bout JYJ esp Jaejoong XD

Ok, next..i went to see all stand in that path..there was a few stands; gift corner, candies shop sponsor, ticketing and official goods from C-Jes. And that 'red ones' really crowded, make ma dizzy..i dislike noisiness so i decided to go to a cafe, meet up with some twitter friends..
Its so Amazing! i went alone, but cause of them i thought i was with my family..

 next, i'm going to @KJJ_INA & @RockJJ stand-outside Mall ABC- i got free green LS, fan, green handband & buy a KJJ t-shirt kekeke (impulsive buyer)
the banner from KJJ & RockJJ means:
재중아~지켜줄거야
Jaejoong ah we'll protect you~
fan
and LS ^__^v
thanks KJJ_INA & RockJJ



then i'm waiting till the gate, still worried bout JJ condition..many rumor from twitter make me dizzy (nosebleed & emergency room), plus the press con still unclear...my friend hv a chance to attended the press con as media press said, there will be a press con but delayed.. in the end press con started on 5PM witout JJ :(
Really make me worried, why? is he ok?
how's his fever? his voices? really cant come up?
and one prediction: "he wanna change all rundown coz of his voice...he wanna do photo & hi5"
T__T cant think anymore..
i'll do something to not think anything bout it..
i helped Maze to shared all their free banner and a small JJ poster, h e's really handsome in there XD
when i shared all of that, i met so many fans, somehow..once again, i knew whic one the OT5, YJs or JYJers...realized, JYJers was a minority..
ah~ i tried to give my gift at Gift corner, but i was late! it closed on 6.40 PM :(
disappointed! T.T

then, i'm starting to enter the gate..
make a long line..go upper floor..go to the real MEIS..waiting..one by one..and BANG, suddenly i see a few of securities hold on red balloons, take them from some of fans..the balloon write an "irrelevant things"...
wow, so happy that SH_Ent really try hard to forbid all irrelevant things..
all securities try their best, check all bag firmly...




Entering the gate, go to my Elephant seat..in Venue, they try hard to control all camera & video..but still, fans always cleverer & more experiences bout this stuff right? :p the opening from 2 MCs..hmm..unfortunately, seems they forgot to translate it in English, they only spoke in Bahasa & Korea...* hope all I-Fans understand*
1st they explained bout JJ's letter..
He wrote it directly ..by his hand..

Hello..
Fans in Indonesia..

I have the first fanmeeting in Indonesia but I’m telling by a letter, not my voice.. 
First of all, I don’t know how to tell because I feel so sorry..

Before I came here, I had lost my voice all of sudden.. I was so afraid and scared.. 
So I was concerned.. how I can explain this.. So sorry

I should tell a lot and.. laugh and cry with you.. And I should sing good songs for you.. 
So… I decided to make memories with you at more closer distance due to this kind of sorriness.. 

I think that many talk and songs won’t be enough but please understand it.. 

I couldn’t come here often.. and here is the place far from Korea.. 
But many fans love me & JYJ.. and give the support us even if you’re in a far place.. 
Thank you so much about all these things… 

I’m really happy man who is sitting right here.. right?^^

It’s been a long time to write this kind of letter.. 

Despite the bad situation to lost my voice.. perhaps we feel happy with feeling thankful & sorry..
Because we’re caring for each other, love each other.. 

I’ll try to do my best to show more and better look for precious ‘us’ and me.. (‘us’ means fans)
You can smile much more than now.. 

It should be hard… but let’s make the best time in our own way.

                                                                             -JJ-

Translated by: @ohmyjunsu + @theyoungestmin (Other Trans)
Shared by: JYJ3

AAAnd, JJ is appearing in front of my eyes!
God, God, GOD!! Frozen...
He is my bias..
He is the one that i saw every day in my laptop and twitter...
So good looking!
then~~realized...
he's so pale, no energy..
he's really not healthy!
so scared when i saw him standing on stage, try hard to smile gentle like always he did..
sorry JJ, i saw ur pain in ur eyes, and it hurt me..badly..
Again, the real fact boom me..
his selfless really make me-us worried...

bout what the conversation during FM, u can see it on @KJJ_INA
i cant tell you one buy one..too tired to typing all of that lol
but i'll tell you some moments that i observed during the conversation...with a little help from my friend..in puppy seat, she informed me many things happened...

#FACT
1. some of them ignore Green LS, deliberately- i think they was hardcore OT5, but dunno~~
2. when MC asked if he want to sacrifice himself for the girl he loves. He said depends on the girl (via @KJJ_INA), i felt the aura changed a little bit..or this is just my suspicious on YJs? dunno~

• MC: Jaejoong believe in love at first sight or not? JJ: he doesnt believe in it. He needs time.
• MC: ever experience love at shooting location?? JJ: not at all ('they' shouted Yunho here)
• MC asked maybe not with the actress. JJ laughed. ('they' was too excited here -__-)

• MC asked if he ever experience triangle love. Jaejoong laughed! (they screaming, forget 'Noooo' or "AAAaaaa" and some of them whispered "yunho, yunho--coz many of us annoyed with their behav)
• Oh he had one. He was involved with a love triangle once. He plainly said Yes. He wrote on his ipad ^_________^ ( via @rubypurple_fan)

i just knew, some of question was from fans....
hmmm..i wonder bout some questions was from 'them', esp bout love question..once again, my mind really annoying bout it, somehow i blamed 'them' easily..sorry....

next, JJ was supposed to sing a song Living in a dream. But he can’t sing. So we are singing it for him.  (via @KJJ_INA)

• Sad face that he cant even face the audience ( via @rubypurple_fan)
• Bowed so deeply after fans sang the song. ( via @rubypurple_fan)

he applause and bow to us...deeply..
honestly, i cant help..little cry  here..his face really thankful, apologize and sad...
then he standing alone on stage, watching Fans video..his face on a big screen really..deep silence..
then he changed his clothes! we're get ready for photo session and hi5...

i'm soo nervous here..afraid his body not strong enough..he has to walk-moving around from photo session seat and hi5 table --__-- hello~~ he's a sick person, high fever, cant speak at all, tired, need rest and he has to do that?! hmmm...but what we can do, its his favor..his responsibility and apologize to us.. *sigh* our silly selfless Kim Jaejoong..... :(

3. the funny things was..not JJ collapse but 2 girls..
when doctor team came out in a rush, i'm panic, something happened??
and i relieved, 2 fans was 'too happy' and collapse...*sorry for those fans-hope u're ok*
and the hi5 changed to be shake hand..and u know, his grip really hard..

i love his hand..love love love it!

my turn comes..i look his face..he smiled..really bright..

Me: frozen..can believes this is a human..

tall, really 180 cm hehehe

his nose, eyes & jaw, God! really have a good sharp *melting*

his smile....always success make me smile

..so white..all my sis was right! his milky skin really unbelievable LOL

my friend said, he met some Korean Idols, but his skin the most white ever...

4. when this photo session i saw a red LS forming "W" letter with 5-6 LS from puppy or dolpin seat..
unfortunately, i was late to take my camera, cant take a photo bout it ><
we know JYJ hv a song: W
but, do u realized? They never sing that song again...

5. minutes by minutes...changed an hour even more...
JJ looks more tired and pale now...i saw from big screen...
in the middle of hi5, one staff asked him: "are you ok?"
he replied : "괜찮아" --i'm ok
T.T ur face not ok JJ~ah

6.i saw in photo session, some of fans still not care how JJ's condition..
why i can said like that?
coz some of them, push their body to JJ..once *from big screen* i saw JJ has to see a girl right on him..push his shoulder and he tried to endure the pain..dont they realized?? JJ has a fever, cold, dizzy, his body tired and you pushed him?! when they was asked bout it, their reaction would be: "this is our chance to get closer with him" --___-- 헐...

i cant stop staring at him via big screen..and directly on the stage

when photo session & hi5 ended, God, i was thankful!!

he can rest now!

he was sooo tired.. T.T

but he smiled at us, bow twice..

waving and then go back to backstage...*sigh*

hope he rest asap!

and i used this chance to give my gift to the crew kekeeke

they helped me to transfer my gift to JJ (or his manager kekeke)

FM Effect is...i cant stop to love him..more and more
please be healthy our dearest...
We always be here..for you..
Kim Jaejoong in JYJ

this is my best experienced... even i hv to do many things for meeting him up..God, i was thankful..thanks for the chance...but i hv a 'delayed' dream...to hear his voice...sing a song..sing many songs..
hope i hv a chance again..to meet him as a singer..solo or JYJ...

Thanks to @jjchloejj @aridakeCHUNNIE (its our fate to meet up and have same seat line)..and also i knew many of our JYJ family in there, but i cant meet up with them ^^; @rubypurple_fan @jenknight18 @ning255 @lindalukita @ni_kania @syafiqa_router @alovelikeawar and many more.. i believed they hv same feeling bout this FM..memorable! Indonesia hv a success Silence JJ Fan Meeting!!! i love him!
.although we hv to worried his body so much..it'll be remarkable for JJ & us...
Jaejoong~ah thank you for your hard work
please rest adn get well soon...so many things u hv to do in the future..
we are waiting your <Jackal is Coming> fighting!!!
never regret to be JYJfans..to be JJ bias :) *bias mode on*

source: @JiJinuna - i got this candies too XD

Me After the FM

PS: sorry..my English in not good..so IF i did some typo or poor grammar..
i'm sorry..
this is my feeling...
my reaction bout many stimulus around me...
^__^v

Luck (?)

dunno i ever mention bout luck or not
but, once again...in my head..i wanna say..
i believe in luck
it means, i believe God's power
coz we never sure what will happened in future until its come, right?
hmm..honestly, i dislike depend on some kind of luck
i believe, what i did...that's what i get...
but, by the times...i realize...
time..world...life...has a deep mystery

first i dont like to something that i cant predict
but, again..i learned...
so many things can happened that i cant control at all
only hope..pray..and trust God will give us the best...
so i can live more enjoyable

so thankful that i'm still alive...
all my family still completed..
so many chances that God gave to me
in my next future..
work...marriage...college.. :)

i'll do what i can do till the end

True

real world (?)
what's that?
i have a big burden on my shoulder
greeting...marriage..work...friendship
sometimes i dont understand why we have to accomplished it?
but in other hand, i really understand, that's life
full of philosophy, i think
just do it step by step
it's just like happy birthday every year..
increasing age, changing everywhere
try to do something new..
try to leave someone or environment..
try to get new life...

i know, its not that simple..never be simple..
always complicated actually..
but, whenever we go-adapt!!
make it simple..do it seriously...full power..
let go all nerve
anxious, afraid, dislike, envy, panic...


calm..calm..calm...

Singgah sesaat

heeei...sesaat aku tersadar mengingatmu
hanya sebentar...mungkin beberapa detik..
saat panggilan 'khas' kepadaku terdengar
ejekan yang menjemukan itu
saat bergadang dengan internet menyala dalam messanger
saat butuh teman berbicara 'sisi lemahku'
saat detik ingin bermain dalam tawa 'keakuan'
walau menakutkan hanyut dalam dimensi bersamamu
terkadang aku masih merindukannya

Menyapa dalam sentuhan Fajar

jika dia adalah pelangi senja yang begitu merindukan
maka tak kan pernah kumenjadi kumpulan warna itu
karena aku adalah fajar yang gelap
menunggu cahaya namun tetap berbalik pada kelam
persamaan kami adalah semunya fase dan berlah kata
apakah itu?
kami pun tidak dapat menjelaskan
namun pada titik tertentu kami tahu
kami ada kemiripan
tetapi tetap saja perbedaa menjadi tiang yang dikibarkan
bersyukur ku mengenal jeda orange itu sesaat
dimana dia mengajarkan kesenangan
bermain hujan
dan bermandikan gelembung
saat-saat dirinya menjadi andromeda tujuh warna
sepenuhnya dirinya yang bisa membuyar menjadi partiker di seluruh tempat
pada waktu yang tepat
mencintai dirinya dan mempercantik lengkungan garis disekitarnya
tidak sepertiku, fajar yang dirundung mendung
hitam merajai dan mengelabuhi dengan kebiruan yang meragu
mencoba melembutkan dengan putihnya cahaya bintang
bintang yang banyak dielukan orang
atau terkadang memunculkan bulan yang terkantuk pada lemburnya
namun luasnya fajar tak kan pernah menyambut pelangi
karena pagiku belumlah tersentuh matahari
dimana spektrum warna masih berputar dalam poros senandung kelabu
perlahan fajar menyapa embun serta bercak sisa mentari
merah...hijau..putih pun menjadi perhatian..
tetapi hitam tak mau dilepaskan
pangkuan mengekap ketat kenyamanan dalam gelap penuh kerahasiaan itu
pilihan berbuah merah darah yang mengenali rasa sakit dan kemarahan
colekan putih nurani yang mengusap jiwa pemaaf yang sulit menjadi kemurnian rasa
sering singgah hanya menjadi pudar keabuan
dan rangsangan hijau tuk menyegarkan raga dalam himpitan hitam
berlari dalam dedaunan sinergi yang membumi
namun terkadang usang dalam kelayuan ckelat
dan menjadi kering..rapuh kembali dalam debu...hitam
inilah aku sang fajar yang m enyukai kesendirian
menguak tabir kegilaan
terus belajar berbincang pada alam dan Tuhan

ocehan berbisik

ritme telah mengusik  fisik yang terlantar
responsi waktu termanggu
energiku meluap-luap
tak tahu harus diarahkan pada titik mana
jika tak fokus maka yang ada hanyalah pecahan partikel
tersia dan kosong
saat raga dan rasa pernah dikerahkan hingga serasa habis
maka pemenuhannya kembalipun serasa hampa dan berliku
dengan detik tak berdentang
bodoh memang tak kuasa mengetatkan kekang pada tubuh dan emosi sendiri
namun beginilah rasa itu
terpontang panting untuk selalu diseimbangkan
ketika pikiran berkata belum melakukan apapun
hati menyerang pilu penuh luka
perih yang terpendam tak terlapisi lagi, hingga sedikit udara dalam gerakan
memekikkan kepedihan
sakit itu tak ada bekas, tepi terasa dalam
gejala muncul berkala tak kenal ampun
ah..kemana harus disentuh
agar terus meraba tombol kehidupan yang sepatutnya
ada...
beradaptasi....
daam kemakluman..
melingkupi kewajaran..
mengalungi kenormalan...
pada tiap pijakan danhebusan waktu

Randomly this September

Mengenali buka berarti memahami

memahami bukan berarti sehati

sehati bukan berarti kan bersama

bersama tidak akan berarti selamanya

Benar bukanlah tepat

salah tidaklah selalu jelek

rasa bukanlah pendapat

dan berpikir tidaklah selalu logis

terbuai dalam ikatan kenormalan

dimana wajar tidak selalu dalam standar

dan aneh seharusnya bukanlah abnormal

jika kau membandingkah diri
maka kepercayaan dirimu kan meluntur
terlupa bahwa setiap orang adalah berbeda
walau sebanyak apapun persamaan terbentuk
tetaplah intinya pada perbedaan itu sendiri

dan aku tak berhenti meragukan diriku yang jalang ini

memimpikan menjadi malaikat, 

namun apa daya...

badaniah adalah manusia

penat berkata ingin membahagiakan tanpa melukai orang lain

namun pada akhirnya tidaklah mungkin

karena manusiawi jika tidak menjadi sempurna

Let it Be

biarkan Tuhan yang menuntun...
saat harus memilih dalam ketidakjelasan
antara diri dan lingkungan
maka lakukan saja menurut waktu dan hati
saat Tuhan mengelus senyum
maka itulah saat kumemasuki dimensi terpilih

yup, i love myself..i must do love me :)

bukan pesimis bukan pula narsis
ketika semua orang tidak menyukaimu
siapa lagi yang membuat bertahan, selain rasa cinta kepada diri sendiri?
Tuhan memberikan kesempatan untuk bernafas pada perbuatan udara dan kata bahagia
tidaklah terbuai dalam manisnya cinta dunia
akh let be simple in this complicated life

layangan bebas (?)

layangan itu indah berayun mengikuti angin
seperti bebas melayang dihamparan awan
namun nyatanya, tali pengait, pengekangnya
tidak...tak ada kebebasan
semua itu punya kendali standar pengatur
pengikat untuk setiap langkah bahkan bernafas
jikalah tidak ada sebutan bebas, mengapa kebebasan dielu-elukan untuk menjadi ada
apakah ilusi untuk menghibur diri..
atau definisi bebas itu sendiri perlu direvisi...

randomly..in my head..this July

aku lupa apakah aku sudah menuliskannya ke blog atau belum..but i wanna write it down again...

segala tingkatan selalu berbeda...

kenormalan..

kewajaran...

kebiasaan....

ritme.....

dont say sorry, all stuff are my fault

ur sorry hurt me so much, ]coz u reveal how messy situation i made...

i'm a sinner

terkadang tidak perlu disuarakan, 

matamu telah berbicara banyak padaku..

aku memahami dan mendengarkanmu...

namun apa daya, keterbatasanku tak berada di sisimu

sayangku tak pernah terucap, hanya menatap...

menyapu garis batas jangkauan

bola mata menarik senyum tak berani memeluk...

nyata merindu..

bersamamu kebimbangan menyapa..

mejauhimu perih terasa

kotak memori itu telah merapuh menjadi kerangka kayi, 

namn tetap menjadi hiasan dalam tatapan

olahan hati tak dipungkiri memiliki bahasa tersendiri

terpisah namun melekat erat dengan emosi

wahai dirimu, bukalah kelambu itu...

kuingin bertemu...

ah bunyi itu menggemakan rebana malam

menguasai gelapnya sepi...

dan melabuhkan kerinduan pada sapuan rima...

Tertimbun

benci menyalahkan orang
karena tersadar kendali dan pilihan adalah pada diri
apa yang telah dan sedang terjadi
keputusan pada kekeraskepalaan yang mendarah daging
kan selalu mejalar dalam diri
kebodohan entah kepolosan dalam kurangnya pengalaman hidup
hidup yang masih dalam tempurung kecil
disangka telah terbang jauh tenyata hanya terbang ke seberang pohon
ah, tertimbun dalam kelambu ruangan abu
tertawan dalam manisnya balutan kaca mata impian
terbiasa pada kekuatan sendir....
terketuk kekuatan itu hanyalah sugesti besar
tersembunyi dalam bagian terdalam dan menggerakkan dengan leluasa
badan, hati, pikiran menjelaskan kesulitan, kemudahan dalam tiap langkah
hehehe kekehan menertawakan segala kekonyolan
betapa rumitnya kumpulan etika norma ini
hentakan tiap kuda-kuda tarian itu tertahan
tidak dapat merasakan mengapa dan bagaimana
tetapi terus mencari jawaban dan alasan
yang terkadang menghilangkan esensi rasa yang terjadi di tiap prosesnya

ahem tumpukan kenyataan terus dikiaskan begitu indah
mengelabuhi kenyataan yang terkadang tak secantik rupa rupawan
namun kelopak tautan emosi terus mengganjal
apalah arti semua partikel debu yang frekuensi kepentingannya tidak pernah sama
tanpa makna definisi terus dituntut mencapai standart tertentu yang tidak pernah menetap
dan manusia dalam tiap peran, status dan panggilan yang menempel dalam dirinya
terus berjuang meraih titik tertinggi dalam pandangannya
pandangan yang sering kabur dan terkadang butuh bantuan
dalam kontak lens yang tak berhenti berganti topeng warna

#cant we just enjoy our life? 

be what u want, reach what u need, be simple how to think everything

try & error never be wrong as long as take all risk what we have done

God never put the wrong path for ur experience

all things is made for u

loved and to be loved

IF love someone means  depend on our partner..
i will think over and over again to falling in love..
i dislike to make difficulties for other people
and i hate to depend to other people

IF i'm in love, i have a habit..
honestly, love to be depending not depend on other..
my weakness i cant tell my true heart...openly
and i dunno how to show my love

when i love someone..
i wanna see him always happy..coz of me or not
i wanna see he can reach his dream..
i wanna be his shoulder for his deep secret
i wanna understand him more than myself


when someone love me
i dunno what to say..
how to show and what i wanna expected for..
never expected something..
but, i ever have a dream how to be loved..
but dreaming it's not good idea..for something that from someone else
^__^


#sometimes never expecting is a good choice for our emotion, nothing hurt our self..

My first concert in my life is...Xia Asia Tour in Jakarta

Honestly, i dislike a crowded place. i always dizzy if so many people around me...
But, this day is different. i wanna try my first concert in my life. Junsu give me a big chance with his concert in my country, Indonesia-Jakarta..even rather far away from my town *around 3-4 hours* i willing for it..
and this is my story ^__^
I’m going to Jakarta in early morning 6 AM and arrived in Jakarta on 9 AM. I prepared my ticket coz I’m not take it yet. It’s really take a long time standing in line and waiting till the concerts started on 7 PM. Poor us, the concert delay 1 hour 45 minute. We start move on the venue on 8 PM and that’s so crowded. u can see it via my pic:

Looks so many people here, and 90% girls kekeke luckily, that’s no teenage girl. Only like me a late college girl-avareage 22 years old more-, so the line ‘rather’ mature, patient and ‘calmer’. [i prepare a little gift to our Junsu: look at my head band :p our XIA. And I give a little other in gift corner]

Then when I’m in venue. I’m look around and said in my head: ‘aaah..this is it..it’s a concert’

We are waiting the concert begin..its take a long time..the MV of Tarantallegra  re-play  3x and we start shout ‘Kim Junsu’ many times…in the end, around 9 PM the show begin …our Xia appeared from the bottom of stage, really cool..he’s singing BREATH. I’m spacing out.

“aaah..he is really Kim Junsu..the Xia from JYJ that I always see via twitter, internet, MV and all video in my laptop. what I see and feel-mix up. he’s tall, so milky white skin, with his blue hair- really cool. And….his voice really same with the one that I listen to everyday in my room..clear and obviously amazing…frozen and unconsciously cant stop staring him and cant close my mouth" LOL *shame*

Then Breath the end, the next song NO GAIN, my fave song..i’m shocked-from spacing out Mode, wake up and turn on my HP-low quality video, so I try my first fancam..so excited..i’m singing him all along.. NO GAIN..cant stop believing, I’m here sing  NOGAIN with him together..live.. honestly, it’s not really good condition around me, coz im standing ..and a few of them pushing each other-poor me T_T 

Lucky me, my new friend (she is so kind & clever) Rie sister, help me out to find many space…and stand up freely..i can dance, singing & sit comfortable during the show.

When Lullaby song- I try to fancam it but after that I surrender..cant do that, my camera is not good quality. I decided to listening and dancing with him. Specially when ‘SET ME FREE’ this is my fav dance song, beside of tarantallegra..i love it, and I love the dancing, I really hope Junsu will make the MV. I want covering it LOL
When U’re So Beautiful song, I NO- all of us singing it together :D and every time he’s singing the ballad ones, I’m crying. Only coz of one reason-his golden voice, really touching my heart emotionally. “ this is the best voice that I really love from Korea..in front of me right now, singing live..his voice really WOW. I cant describe it well, his too amazing”...

When he granted 3 wish—he granted 3 wish for us:

1.      Angela Xiah pose--of course we know bout it kekeke

2.      sexy wave dance—I cant describe it, but it’s bout his butt movement kekeke so sexy…

3. [actually audience shouting-‘oppa open ur cloth’ but the translator doesn’t care] then we said: bambaya…he said asked: ‘bambaya?’…and he shocked that all of us know bout bambaya thing LOL—of course we know Junsu yaaa…u’re our precious one, that is is ur trade mark—Kenya Language, only U & God understand what’s that mean of, but anyways, u always the best bout all the cute thinks even today..our 26^th years old Junsu kekeke..then he said: 'bambaya--aaa' with a cute tone (i'm shocked--he really like usual..he is originally cute :D)

From the little chit chat with us, I know, he learn so many word in Bahasa Indonesia language, for example:

‘Apa kabar?’ (how are you?),

‘apakah kalian senang?’ (are you happy?),

‘saya Xiah, saya senang bertemu dengan kalian’ (i’m xiah, it’s very nice to meet you)

‘saya cinta kalian’ (I love you)

‘pohon Kelapa’ (coconut tree)- for this one, he learn on stage, when he tell us that he love coconut tree and Indonesia have so many beautiful coconut tree. He asked directly: what it coconut tree in bahasa and repeat 'pohon kelapa' more, (I think/hope he teach ‘pohon kelapa’ to Yuchun & jaejoong kekeke)

‘terima kasih’ (thank you)

(u can see the videos in JYJ3.net )

every chit chat time, he always say that he really love indoenesia, this is the first time he;s here..but it's like he have been here a long time..i will tell my friend and back here again--we shout 'JYJ many time' hoping he understand we really want his come back here with JYJ

Then he shakes us with Tarantallegra. Wow his dancing movement so magnetic LOL my eyes burn on his Tarantallegta mantra..His ‘Fever’ make me fever a moment keke. And when he’s singin ‘Mission’ I miss JYJ suddenly… *how stupid I’m-sorry JJ bias—lol*

When he’s singing ‘I Don’t Like Love’, its remind me of Yuchun Rooftop. And this is my fave song too kekeke ..in the end I’m not realized that the show is over..when fallen leaves finished..he bow us politely and say thanks many times..the last moment make me frozen and scream: ‘he make a sign love—with his two hand on his head’..and the show finish T_T

I cant believed, 2 hours is nothing for concert, but I’m satisfied coz Junsu give his best as always. I wanna say: thank you Junsu, u give me the best experience in my first concert in my life. U dunno how thankful I am as ur fan an plus I ‘m so happy that you enjoy your time in my country, even your schedule full of many things, and you’re not try Indonesian food yet—I believe and hope you’ll be back here again..

 This is me, with my ticket..when i'm in standing  in line for 7 hours!

Thanks you so Much for Junsu JYJ my beloved JYJ member for ur first concert..its also my first concert in my life kekeke 

i'm satisfied..proud to be ur fan, fans of JYJ..be a prat of JYJ family

Last but not least..

my mind bout Kim junsu is..he really have the best voice as a singer in Korean..nobody doubt it..even an audience who dunno bout him at all...give him a standing applause when he finish sing a song-- (a boy standing next to me, just accompany his girlfriend-she is a Junsu fans..he's always smile & shake his head dont understand with face: 'why so many woman love him?'..but he admit Junsu singing skill kekeke)..who Kim Junsu is..in stage when he sing--he really have a good charisma like u know him..but as himself..he really like u think and see many time via interview, old reality show..pure, wise, strong, expressive, cute and mature with his positive thinking bout everything..i admire him so much..

PS: sorry for my poor English XD

No this Phase

getar air mata ini menyesakkan aliran emosi
jembatan komunikasi tidak pernah searus dengan bahasa emosi
seketat apapun berusaha waspada meluncurkan panah
kecanggungan dan keenganan siaga menamparkan ledakan
kekurangan..kesalahan..kebodohan..kelemahan..kesulitan untuk bangkit kembali
batas kesanggupan mengecil hingga menyadarkan bahwa lingkup semakin sempit
begitu rapuhnya ragam hanya dengan sentilan pada titik hentakan ini
bertubi-tubi ditanyakan, mengapa...
langkah ini lambat pada regulasi emosi yang menjadi akar tak tertanggulangi
sakit..tidak mengetahui bagaimana batas ini berteriak lagi
kebutuhan apakah hingga menutupi gejolak tak mengenakkan ini
tak mengerti kekurangan pada ruang mana hingga menguapkan rasa yang begitu mengganggu

lari, menari, sudah tidak mampu lagi..yang ada hanyalah tercekat dalam
kebencian terhadap jiwa sendiri meluap mengerikan
tersakiti sendiri, terluka tanpa bisa dicegah...
kembali tersudut kosong...
menggenggam..memeluk...menenangkan kesendirian...

...bayangan arti...

tidak ingin bermain-main terhadap definisi
karena mencari dan menemukan yg tepat mengenai suatu hal adalah tidak mudah
perkara selalu berbeda dalam persepsi
pancingan kode dalam diam diragukan keampuhannya
walaupun usaha memberi umpan tetap diperhitungkan
namun  sepertinya kembali lagi pada pemaknaan
waktu pun terkadang memberikan tandanya
tak dipungkiri bahwa detik berhembus bergesekan dengan perubahan
dan tubuh belum mengenali titik pengertian sesungguhnya

apakah batasan umum dan lingkaran pribadi menuju syaraf egois
bagaimanakah ketidaksempurnaan disadari dalam genggaman kewajaran
mengapa jawaban tiap tahap begitu rumit untuk segera digapai
menit pun terhenyuk, melihat tapi sengaja dilewatkan...
ugh pagar kebenaran kesalahan baik buruk dan ideal begitu kabur
bolehkah mengizinkan raga memilih dalam proses belajarnya?
banyak pengalaman rasa yang membingungkan sebagai manusia
banyak pula peran yang terlibat

ah, maafkan semua kevulgarani ni..
malu begitu terasa karena merceritakani ni semua kepada manusia lain
walau status terpercaya telah dilampirkan
namun tetap saja kelegaan telah membagi kisah terganti dalam bentuik penyesalan
kelemahan ini begitu memalukan
walau kembali lagi kepada pengertian kekurangan itu sendiri

semoga perjalanan ini berakhir dengan bunga indah
dalam lingkupan jalan yang Tuhan izinkan...

#si manusia yang belum terdefinisi

berubah?

takhluk dalam kekalutan masai
tak berombak, hanya berlalu lalang menyampaikan salam
namun tubuh tak kunjung terbiasa
terombang ambing dalam setengah..tidak seperempat perjalanan
bayangan lama belum terhapuskan
kisah terdahulu belum terselesaikan
namun tak pelak usaha keras membentuk hasil
walau tak banyak, serbuk perubahan itu menjadi penting
bumbu awal dalam pembentukan daun daun
memutuskan membuka kelopak yang belum waktunya
tetapi helaian itu telah melunakkan diri
telah tersenyum untuk bersanding daalm kenyataan
menuju garis yang seharusnya terjadi
melayang dalam taman yang penuh dengan macam variasi kemungkinan

ah, racun madu berselang tipis
warna pun terkadang bercampur satu
kadang kepalsuan tak dapat dibedakan
kembang ingin mekar menggoda
dengan maksud sesuai waktunya
hanya menjadi bijak dan ranum dalam buaian kedewasaan
tujuannya mengharumkan batangnya
menyuburkan keseluruhannya
mengontrol kerapuhan tiap kelopak
semua demi tahap perkembangan...
ah waktu begitu kompleks..

bisa tidak kah membuka tiap bagian pada waktunya
dapatkah melepaskan kulit lama dan menjadi bunga baru?
kunci kontrol ditempah keras untuk itu...

...decided....

"let me keep my childhood side in this box, just me alone know bout this..and i'll show u my maturity and strong woman side" --tiffanichan

source of my inspiration words:
....

i’ve experienced many of life’s ups-and-downs which ordinary people have not had.
Like most people, i’ve once thought like this: “I” am the most special in this world. (i was) full of myself.

Someone once told me, “you’re still young now, you don’t know. when you’ve grown up, you’ll naturally understand” in my heart, i mocked at him.

This was just a few years ago. many things happened in the past 2 years, they made me change alot…and made me reflect on how immature i was back then. In the future, i will be meeting more new people, under different circumstances, experiencing different emotions. When i think of how i will be encountering things i can’t even imagine now, my heart beats....

I want to go back to the time when i was simply a 15-year-old youth, full of passion, travelling to seoul alone just to fulfil my dreams. But. in a corner within my heart, there’s sorrow and oppression, a pain i cannot put into words. When i’m older, perhaps some day, i will be able to say it…i’m waiting cautiously for that day to come.

----KimJaeJoong

君がいつも 僕にくれる
宝物がそれなんだ
君の涙 君の笑顔
分かちたいよどっちも

 my password of my new journey is "maturity"..
#never stop believing
the aim is about how to be a new person every breath...i decided:
---key point is about how to control emotion by logical..full of rational things
---more observation,, think & feel others mind and emotion
---be mature is about how to be benefit other people, specially family happiness

i can take it slowly, i'll try my best and i'll keep my 'persona' alone-talking about all my JJ things-- let change! and of course, God always bless me please :)